Sample Chapter

Preface

“Only the dead have seen the end to war.” Plato

When I returned from Iraq after a year fighting on the west side of Baghdad in a place called Al Rashid, I was tired, maybe exhausted. I felt as if a wound had been carved into my soul with a blunt dagger and it always ached. I could close my eyes, and in my head could hear the honking horns of traffic arguing through narrow and congested streets of Al Rashid Baghdad neighborhoods. I could hear explosions, random sounds of distant gunfire, and red tracers arcing into night sky. I could recall Arab women screaming at me in sharp, rebuking, high-pitched cries of anger or pain, and could hear tiny, desperate cries of kids. I could see faces of Iraqi men quietly staring at me, their eyes empty or filled with contempt. Those were the manageable thoughts. The less manageable images and thoughts were of pools of blood; I don’t know why I see pools of blood. I could conjure, without effort, the putrid smells of Iraq; the raw sewage, dried sweat, body odor, and something burning. Something was always burning in Iraq.

I would dream at night; vivid, creepy, bizarre and sinister dreams. These were dreams that were filled with carnage and personal desperation. I found myself working hard to break my habit of sleeping for only two hours. I would take strong sleeping pills to force sleep when weeks of insomnia would pass and I would feel exhausted. Sleep for the first few months back home seemed futile and interrupted. While in Iraq I never had sinister dreams and I rarely felt fearful.

The whole time I was in Iraq, I felt I was always searching for something that could not be found. It was my sworn obligation to bring change and to help Iraqis realize a better a life. Though I was keenly aware I was an outsider and that I represented an invading Army, I always felt I needed to connect with Iraqis. I tried with great effort, but never felt I achieved the connection I sought. This caused an inner anguish because without that connection all efforts seemed exponentially more difficult.

During my entire tour I was never in any long, pitched battles. All the actions were short, violent, and over almost as quickly as they started. I had seen Iraqis shot and blown into tiny pieces. I had seen my own soldiers shot and maimed from explosions. Of the four soldiers in the battalion killed, I was with three of the four when they died. I did not make it to Sergeant First Class Michael Battles before he expired from his severe wounds, but viewed his body with Command Sergeant Major Hughes about an hour afer he died at the Combat Surgical Hospital in the Green Zone.

I saw the carnage of blown-apart bodies and never felt bothered very much at the time. I didn’t puke from the sight of them or from the putrid smell of death nor did I feel sickened by it. I really didn’t even feel sorry for anyone who was shot or gravely wounded by an explosion. I was easily able to focus on getting wounded people medical attention and to get people to cover or remove the dead bodies as quickly as possible.

I commanded 683 American soldiers and about 300 Iraqis and I know they killed people. Sometimes I feel a sense of personal blame for that but I can’t explain it. I don’t dwell on it too much. I know that at least ten Iraqi men and women were killed – murdered – because they were directly associated with me. I can’t push that fact away; maybe away from my mind, but not my soul. All of these memories live in me, and despite my best efforts to suppress them I cannot. So I decided I must document what I know about this war.

I feel strongly that the war in Iraq is not well covered by the news media. Most television, radio, and print media, from my experience and analysis, have an agenda to influence the American public to withdraw from Iraq and extricate the United States from the region. There are grave consequences however this war turns out. Withdrawing from Iraq is the wrong course of action and will have lasting negative impact on the nation. My goal in writing this book is to provide Americans a coherent understanding of their Army and to better see that this war and our future challenge with countering terrorist threats against America world-wide cannot be accomplished by purely military means. Major governmental, political, military, and philosophical adjustment is necessary not only to prevail in Iraq but also to prevail in the wars to come in this lengthy confrontation between Islamic radicalism and the USA.

The U.S. Army in particular has already changed dramatically as a result of the war in Iraq. But much more must be done to shape a capable Army for the challenges that face America. The rhetorical and political battle going on in the American media obscures the most challenging issues facing America in this century. As an American citizen and retired soldier I want to influence the thinking of all Americans about this war and the future of the U.S. Army.

According to polls the majority of the American public believes that the war in Iraq is not worth the loss of American lives. They find the war disconnected from their personal lives and the majority of Americans say they are not personally threatened by the Iraqi people. All of this is well founded on the surface. But, as with all war, deeper issues are in play and much is at stake. I am gravely concerned that the war in Iraq will suffer a similar fate as the war in Vietnam. I fear American political leaders will not be able to mount a politically acceptable campaign at home which is necessary to win decisively in Iraq. I desperately want to influence thinking to prevent that pathetic outcome.

I served in this war in Iraq as an Army battalion commander. The battalion I commanded was a Field Artillery battalion assigned to the 5th Brigade Combat Team (BCT) of the First Cavalry Division. Before deploying I had to re-train my unit to fight as an infantry/cavalry unit, a capability very different from the artillery battalion’s main task and purpose in its prior configuration. We would mostly function as infantry/cavalry for our one-year tour in Iraq. We were assigned a sector in the Al Rashid district of southwestern Baghdad.

My tour was from March 2004 to March 2005. In that year I could see with great clarity the makings of the situation that exists today. What I quickly came to know is that war is highly political, personal, emotional, physical, and — by all sane accounts — horrific. Countless books, stories, documentaries, and the like have been written, published, and produced about war. This is my story and it does not profess to be impartial. At worst, this is a personal narrative with blemishes. At best, it is an insightful record of my experience commanding an Army battalion task force in Baghdad, Iraq. It is simple, direct, and factual account of a very strange war.

In this book I want to explain just how intricate, convoluted, complex, and even diabolical this task given the U. S. Army has become. This is a straightforward-insider story in which I offer a unique perspective on the political situation, my observations of the American Army, and describe what I think may lie ahead of us in the future.

This book puts an uncomfortable spotlight on me and necessarily explains situations from my perspective. For better or worse you will see my interpretations, beliefs, and values permeating this story.

I intentionally do not tell the story of the infantry “grunt” soldier toiling daily on the mean streets of Baghdad. There are enough “Blog Books,” junior military officer-authored books and enlisted soldier-authored books on that subject already on the bookshelves. Most of these are witty, satirical recollections that are highly entertaining. I doubted when writing this that I could tell the “grunt’s story” better than they tell it themselves. Nor have I attempted to illuminate the inestimable contributions and leadership of the non-commissioned officers of our Army or of Task Force 1-21. That story of the truest, most-gifted, and committed soldiers of the United States Army leading the day-to-day fight in Iraq needs to be told by a more talented and skilled writer.

What you will read about is a recollection of the role of Task Force 1-21 in the war. My experiences commanding this outfit is the lens and the vehicle through which I attempt to show others what I know about this war and how it is fought.

The story was taken from notes and records I kept during the two years I served as a battalion commander. In this book I present events and dates as accurately as my personal recollection and detailed notes afford. I debated using pseudonyms for many of the people that were part of this story, but chose to keep most of the names without changing them. There are a few places, however, where names have been changed. For those places where actual names remain, I am accountable to the people for what I say.

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